Teaching our Children

Teaching is quite likely the most essential aspect of parenthood. It's not simply teaching kids their ABCs or how to lace their shoe up, it’s teaching them about values, good decision-making, and life lessons that they will have for their whole life. The NEPEM model emphasizes "teaching" as an obligatory aspect of being a good parent because it shapes a child's worldview and his/her place in the world. Parents are a child's first and most important teachers, and what they pass on by default or by intention is stored in memory that will never fade. 

We studied in our parent education class that teaching is so much more than conveying information. Modeling, staying consistent, explaining rules, and encouraging reflective thought are all functions of teaching. As the BYU-Idaho parenting manual outlines, teaching is a process that occurs in the everyday moments. By calmly negotiating a fight between two children or guiding a child through disappointment when losing a game, parents are instructing their children how to respond to life day by day.

Consistency is one of the most important aspects of good teaching. Children are secure and safe if they understand what parents will do in each situation. Consistency in rules, routines, and discipline allows children to learn boundaries and develop self-control. The BYU-Idaho guide suggests that children thrive when they understand the cause-and-effect of actions. This makes them responsible and accountable. If rules differ from one day to another, or if they are unclear or punishments are also unclear, kids will get muddled and offended.

Another fine teaching tool is the application of natural and rational consequences. In place of scolding or spanking out of desperation, parents may use experience to instill in the children better decision-making. In case a kid, for example, takes home lunch, a natural consequence will be that he may get hungry throughout the day. Next time, they'll remember. This positively and respectfully teaches cause and effect. As Jane Nelsen, founder of Positive Discipline, shows, children learn most when they feel competent, connected, and respected.

We also discussed the importance of modeling in our training. Children are always watching. When parents model patience, kindness, persistence, and honesty, they're teaching much more than any lecture ever could. If we want our children to grow up humble and responsible, then we must show them those traits ourselves. I remember one specific time in my childhood when I made my dad apologize to me after he lost his temper. That taught me more about being responsible and about being humble than any kind of discipline ever did.

Teaching also involves instilling children with moral reasoning and compassion. Instead of lecturing children about what not to do, we can instruct them about the "why" of values. If a child is hitting a sibling, for instance, we can tell them, "How do you think your brother felt when that occurred?" or "What could you do the next time you are angry instead of hitting?"

These are the teaching moments of promoting empathy, self-awareness, and enhanced emotional management. As the NEPEM model illustrates, the profession of teaching is not behavior control, it's instructing a child on the internal compass. One of the most precious lessons in our course of study was learning about the strength of open communication. Teaching is a conversation, not a decree. When we get children to ask, to say something, and to have their say, we are teaching them that they matter. This not only encourages parent-child relationships but also arms children with analytical thinking. 

This sort of open communication also facilitates handling tricky issues such as peer pressure, computer usage, or moral issues that they will be facing when they become adults. Extrapolation from research beyond the study confirms the long-term value of intentional teaching in parent-child interactions. In a journal article in Developmental Psychology, children whose parents engage in frequent, significant conversation with them in early life become more linguistically advanced, more school-ready, and more emotionally intelligent (Hoff, 2006). 

These benefits continue well into adolescence and adulthood. Repetitive simplicity of engaging children in reflective conversation reaps rewards. Another concept we spoke of was the introduction to delayed gratification. In a world where there is an instant consequence, it is beneficial for children to be introduced to patience and self-control. Everyday routines, like waiting to purchase a toy by saving up for it or waiting out their turn at a game, help children develop skills to achieve success in life later on.

The original "marshmallow test" study found that children who could wait for rewards achieved more in their lives as adults, such as level of education attained and emotional control. One of the most valuable things a parent can provide to a child is the gift of learning. Encouraging curiosity, embracing errors, and valuing discovery sets the stage for a lifetime of learning. When a child knows that errors are an integral part of growing up, he or she will be more resilient and receptive to novelty. That is why parents must respect effort and curiosity as well as achievement. Parenting value as teaching is at the same time a daily responsibility and a sweet privilege. Each talk, each task done together, each night-time tale is a chance to pass on values, skills, and life lessons. By embracing our responsibility as our children's first teacher, we give them the foundation for success, not only academically, but emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

Citations:

BYU-Idaho. (n.d.). Parenting: Raising children, building futures. https://content.byui.edu/file/4de04ca1-9da9-4b75-bfd2-1a87b913a12a/1/Parenting.pdf

Hoff, E. (2006). How social contexts support and shape language development. Developmental Review, 26(1), 55–88.

Mischel, W., Shoda, Y., & Rodriguez, M. L. (1989). Delay of gratification in children. Science, 244(4907), 933–938.

Nelsen, J. (2006). Positive discipline: The classic guide to helping children develop self-discipline, responsibility, cooperation, and problem-solving skills. Ballantine Books.