Nurturing our Children

We all hope our children are loved, safe, and cared for as parents. Perhaps the most significant thing I have learned in this course is that loving isn't enough when it comes to nurturing, it's about creating a space where children feel free to learn, grow, and explore. Nurturing relationships are built on warmth, responsiveness, and care that is consistent. Nurturing, the NEPEM model explains, is a foundational competency that applies to every aspect of a child's development.

Research has demonstrated that early relationships form the basis of future learning and emotional well-being. Shonkoff and Phillips discuss in From Neurons to Neighborhoods that responsive and stable care for children promotes the healthy development of the brain. That is, day-to-day, normal activities, such as looking your child in the eye, cuddling, talking to your baby, or answering when your child cries; can do a great deal for their well-being in later life.

One of the strategies that we came across is "serve and return" interactions. This involves looking at what your child is intrigued by, responding in a favorable way, and then having the child continue from there. It is simply following your toddler's eyes and noticing what he/she is noticing. The Harvard University Center on the Developing Child emphasizes that these interactions build neural pathways that are critical for social and communication skills.

Following infancy, there is still a need for care. Empathy is necessary for preschoolers as they are dealing with overwhelming feelings. Listen carefully and they share their lives with school-age children. Older adolescents, now more independent, still require reassurance and warmth. All phases of development have supporting nurturing relationships, which support emotional security and resilience.

The BYU-Idaho parenting textbook further speaks on how children feel loved and appreciated because of nurturing. When emotionally secure, children are more likely to try new learning, express themselves freely, and trust others. These benefits overflow into all domains of life, from school achievement to emotional regulation.

Parents tend to overestimate the role that extracurricular activity plays. Getting down on the floor and romping with their children for a few minutes of distraction-free time, reading out of a book together, or snuggling at bedtime can have searing, long-term impact on the emotional life of a child. These are not soothing moments, these are bedrock. They assure children that they are safe, that their feelings and thoughts matter, and that they will have someone there with them when things become tough. This forms the secure attachment that is essential for building good relationship patterns in the future.

Creating a supportive environment includes emotional control modeling. Kids learn emotion control from how we control our own. Keeping cool during a tantrum or validating a child's feelings when in a rage lets them know that emotions can be controlled and that they do not have to go through it by themselves. By behaving in empathy, patience, and perceptiveness, we are teaching kids indirectly those coping mechanisms. It's incredible the way children observe, learn, and imitate the way we behave.

It's also important to mention here that nurturing isn't exclusively about the emotional care. Every single thing we do with our children is within it.
From disciplining them to triumphantly celebrating their victories, our reactions tell everything. For example, rather than scolding a child for having done something wrong, one of the most helpful responses is to guide them to understand what was done wrongly and how they can do it right next time. This builds trust with a growth mindset, which is at the heart of resilience.

It's not perfection. It's presence. It's understanding that some days are going to be tough but still being present and showing up with love and support despite it all. That's where parenting strength comes in. Even on our worst frazzled or frustrated days, small acts of kindness and consistency are what make all the difference in building a deep emotional foundation.

Looking back on my own childhood and what I've learned of parenting in my own family, I see now how important nurturing was. My own grandmother, for instance, wasn't trained in child development, but she naturally offered the warmth, security, and support her children required. Her legacy still shapes the way our own family raises the next generation.

As mothers and fathers, ours is both a privilege and a power, a right to nourish our children, not an obligation to be perfect. It requires no perfection only stability, empathy, and a willingness to be present. Time in our fast-paced lives becomes impossible to give to truly touch our children, but maybe it's one of the best things we could possibly do. We give our children the cozy refuge they can grow up from through every day of raising them.

Citations: 

Center on the Developing Child. (n.d.). Serve and return. Harvard University. https://developingchild.harvard.edu/science/key-concepts/serve-and-return/

Shonkoff, J. P., & Phillips, D. A. (2000). From neurons to neighborhoods: The science of early child development. National Academy Press.

Thompson, R. A. (2008). Early attachment and later development. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 89(3), 513–531. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1745-8315.2008.00044.x

BYU-Idaho. (n.d.). Parenting: Raising children, building futures. https://content.byui.edu/file/4de04ca1-9da9-4b75-bfd2-1a87b913a12a/1/Parenting.pdf